The story of my Life

Rakhshinda Shakir
Posted May 1, 2017 from Pakistan

When I was a little girl living in a small village in the mountains of Pakistan, I always wished I had been born a boy. I wanted to enjoy the freedoms boys did and be accepted as a valuable member of society.

If I were a boy, I could at least laugh loudly, whenever I wanted to, but being a girl in Chitrali culture meant living a life under certain restrictions. For example Chitral makes women dependent on men both socially and financially. I have grown up in a place defining myself in terms of my family and culture. I belong to this family and I am a Chitrali. Although this would be a sweet thing to follow if at the same time I was allowed to practice my individual rights. Such as allowing me to pursue the career I wanted for myself or sing when I want to, and go to places when needed without having a male member from my family. “In addition, I have coped with people not liking me very much and judging my characterfor choosing professions and ways of life where cultural norms and dress are not tolerated. In my culture, it is believed that women should wear modest clothing, even for sports. I have struggled to know myself and it took me ages to think outside of the box. I am not ready to surrender my identity now; now ever; at any cost..

It was probably this indifferent attitude towards girls that made me act like a tomboy and play with boys all through my childhood. When I grew older, however, life completely changed for me.

The group of boys I grew up playing with were much older than me. When they became teenagers, it was embarrassing for them to be seen with a girl, and so they never wanted me around.

They began to see me as an ugly part of society because I was the complete opposite of what a typical girl of my society was supposed to be. I would go swimming, but other girls would never join me because they did not want to remove their dupattas or long scarf because it was considered immodest. On our way back home from school, girls would always scold me for laughing out loud. I rationalized that you laugh when you are happy, so how that could be considered bad?

There were many times when people told me that I deviated from what our culture considered to be a “good girl”. Even still, I never shied away from saying what I felt.

I felt proud that I was not the same as other girls my own age.. I take pride in this. To this day I am fine with being a “bad” girl if it means questioning things or speaking what is in my heart.

Today when I look back at my youth, I feel no regret but rather a sense of accomplishment. I am not only a change agent in my own life, but also an inspiration to other students and my siblings, too.

I was the first girl along with another friend of mine from Aga Khan Higher Secondary School to be selected as cultural ambassador to the United States in the 9th grade.

Since then, more and more girls are being selected for this prestigious program.I am also the first to attend the Asian University for Women in Bangladesh. I hope to set the trend to encourage as many girls from my village as possible to pursue this educational opportunity. It will change their lives as much as it has mine and so much needs to change for girls and women where I come from.

In my culture, women are forbidden to dance, though dancing is a way to express joy and happiness; we are not allowed to sing or play any musical instrument, both of which are valuable skills; and we are not allowed to play sports because sports would expose our bare legs. Can someone please tell me how banning half the population from healthy activities such as these, in the name of culture, supports our claim of being civilized? I am tired of being excluded from almost every activity that is proven to be healthy simply because I am female.

Women in my culture are also not allowed to be friends with men, and women who are risk being called whores and publicly ostracized.

I apologize now, if this offends anyone, but do dance to my favorite music, I do have a lot of male friends, and I do sing. In fact, I love singing. I am not a professional singer, but two of myFace book videos of my singing have gone viral.

Some people are upset with me because of this and accuse me of ruining their culture. A lot of my people see me as a destructive influence, but I see my actions as positive change. I see a woman singing proudly as a gateway to the enjoyment and entertainment of humanity as well as to the elimination of the barriers against women’s rights.

Through singing I am fighting for a healthy change for women in my culture which I am sure at the moment even girls will curse me for but in future girls will thank me for what I have done for them, and I am not physically hurting anyone in doing so. Some of my community members have started to tell my parents that they have to make me stop. They say they are concerned for my welfare, but this is what I was born for—to break stereotypes and make a positive change in the world.

I feel that I have a strong message and mission, and there is no way I am going to stop fighting against women’s repression in my culture.I strongly believe singing has no gender and that a woman singing is not doing anyone harm . I wish every single girl or woman out there found it offensive that their singing was not encouraged. I wish every single girl out there, especially in my community, could sing like a bird and not worry about who was listening or what they had to say.

I am a woman, and I matter as much as a man. I have the right to be who I want to be, too.I am very proud to have been born as a woman, and if were given a hundred more chances to be born, I would always choose to be born a woman. Life is what you make it. I choose to enjoy and live each second with full zeal and enthusiasm and help guide as many girls and women as possible onto paths of empowerment and success.

I have a message for girls and women in not only my village, but the world.

I don't agree with people saying you are lucky to be where you are. I would say, it’s not luck that brings us where we are but passion; the unseen struggle that people don't see. It’s the desire to do things differently; it’s the maturity that we get from experience; and it’s winning battles out of rejections. Strong people don't just happen. It takes courage to be one… courage to defend oneself; courage to face humiliation; courage to become who you want to be. It’s not an easy process because legends are not born, but created. Legends don't live for themselves, but for future generation. It costs lifelong struggles of hardships, rejections, harmful rumors, endless heartache from people not understanding what you do is for their benefit. I think every legend in life has to go through the same path of coping with challenges at times while sticking to their own very ideology, knowing that deep down in their soul there is no society, no family, no culture, no religion and nothing can take their true essence away. Legends know that what they are fighting for is expensive, but there also know that what they are fighting for is worth it. I am not lucky. I am a legend…a girl who was born in a small village of Chitral. Those who think I am lucky to be who I am today definitelydon't know the price I pay each day to never stop trying things differently from what I have been told to do.

Here is one of my songs that I would like to share, for all those beautiful souls who are determined to make a difference in the world as well

[embed youtube video: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cOyLxs1LK8c.]

This post was submitted in response to Art for Change.

Comments 8

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jlanghus
May 02, 2017
May 02, 2017

Hi Rakhshinda! Bravo:-) What a great story. Best of luck on your entry for "Art for Change:-)" Love the photo, too, btw. I will share your story on my social media.

Rakhshinda Shakir
May 02, 2017
May 02, 2017

Aww! Such an encouragement. :) 

Love

jlanghus
May 03, 2017
May 03, 2017

You deserve it:-)

mae me
May 06, 2017
May 06, 2017

Hi Rakhshinda :) I always tell myself that when given a chance I would like to be born as a boy.  But I never realized until I read your story, that you've been fighting for your right as a woman.  Thank you for sharing your story.  I am encouraged that I should be thankful for the right I have in my country as a woman now.

Rakhshinda Shakir
May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017

Living a life in a patriarchal society and dreaming to live like a free bird is very challenging, but then when you live your dream its like you feel like chasing until your last breath. 

mae me
May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017

Hi Rakshinda, I agree... we will never know what up there if we did not try to climb.  Let us climb continue to climb to our dreams!!!

ashsirote
May 15, 2017
May 15, 2017

Hi Rakhshinda. I found your story very moving and inspiring. Being from Australia, a country where I am free to sing, dance, and date who I choose, I can't imagine what you are going through each day. But please don't stop standing up for yourself. You never know who you are becoming a role model for. I love to sing - it helps me to express myself. Which is what all women around the world should be entitled to do. Keep smiling! If you ever need to reach out to someone - I am here to listen :)

Rakhshinda Shakir
May 16, 2017
May 16, 2017

Thank you so much for giving it a read. :) I am sure nothing on this planet would stop me from becoming who I want to become. 

Love,

Rakhshi