Truly Capable by Robin Farrin

While cleaning fiddleheads
on a warm day in May
the cramps began.
We jumped in the pickup
and headed to the hospital.
The doctor sent us back home.
Later we returned and we stayed.

I wasn’t opening fast enough
for their liking.
They began to pump a drug into my veins.
It just made matters worse.

The contractions were continuos
The pain kept me awake for
two whole nights
but still no progress.

I had IV’s in my veins,
a mask on my face,
and a tube threaded up into me.
It was to monitor the heart rate.
It was screwed into my babies scalp.

I couldn’t get off my back.
The pain was like torture.
Their medicine made each contraction
more than I could handle.

Blood began to drip from me -
my baby showed signs of distress.
The doctor demanded orders to the nurses
They rolled me to the ER

They told me not to move
as they drove the syringe into my spine.
I couldn’t help it.
A contaction kicked in; I moved.
I remember thinking to myself,
“If I never walk again, I don’t care -
just get this baby out of me.”
The pain seemed more than I could bare.

My eight and half pound baby boy
was cut out from my body
on the 26th of May.
He should have come naturally on the 27th.
I didn’t get to hold him or to nurse him
until the following day.

The feeling came back to my legs
and the incision, it did heal.
But I swore NEVER would I return to that
dreadful place again.

I gave birth twice more,
to two beautiful healthy daughters -
each birth,
without the help of drugs or a knife
and no need for the hospital.

I knew deep down
I could trust my own body,
I knew I was capable to give birth on my own.

My two daughters births,
both took place at home,
in my cozy little bedroom.
My midwives, they were there
to smooth things along,
but never interfered.

They made sure that all was safe.
The touch of their gentle hands
the sound of their kind voices
made all the difference in the world
in making my birthing choices.

Having my babies birthed at home
was right for me.
It allowed me to take my time,
No-one was rushing me.
I ate good meals and not just ice cubes.
I even stepped out to dance in the wind.

I became aware of how capable I truly am.