mending the fences

I experienced the deadly lasting effects of child sexual, physical, and emotional abuse quite early in my life, from six to fifteen years old, nine years of abuse for a child to endure should of never happned, unfortunately it did and many were in denial while they looked on and encouraged it.

In the eighties abuse was a taboo subject, it was something to keep quiet about it was the families secret and the home which was meant to be a sanctuary slowly became a place of violence and distress. Today, not much has changed while there is some progress many things remain the same. Shame, fear, and guilt is inflicted upon the victim by the abuser to keep them quiet, and society says to them keep silent by placing a gag order upon the victims of child abuse and domestic violence.

Today many will say I am a thriving survivour because I am a passionate yet professional advocate in this fight against child abuse and domestic violence, there is nothing domestic about violence. I was raped at the age of six, this rape is called child molestation, I find this word tries to soften the gruesome act however a name needed to be attached to the act for identification.

My innocence and identity was stolen and this cruel act continued for nine years setting me on a self destructive path and opening the gate for mental depression and other negative life choices. For nine years I was also emotionally and physically abused and battered. I turned my back on God and any teachings of the bible for I blamed him for my distress and pain, suicidal thoughts were prevalent in my mind and I actually tried to kill myself, somehow there was always something or someone keeping me alive for what purpose I knew not then.

I never saw the light beyond the rainbow, I never saw the mountain becoming a plain, I never saw my red sea parted but I survived! It was a long and bitter road but I survived! If by the pain and debris of my life I can encourage others and give hope to some through using my voice and being active then what happned to me was not in vain.

For years I lived with the believe that the abuse was my fault and this became my reality as I lived it well, shame was a veil I wore all to well and trusting people was something alien to me. What I lived was the manipulation of sick perverted men and women who ostensibly took on the title of parents, guardians, teachers, ministers, and educators.

I had to learn and accept the fact that I was not to blame, nothing which happned to me was my fault, and I was not flawed. There was no guilt or shame in me, so why should I feel ashamed? I had to learn, accept and live the fact that I was beautiful and perfect. Learning this was a hard and painful process but I learnt and believed and lived. Yet still there are moments when those demons try very hard to tell me otherwise. You see, your experience of abuse never fully leaves you, you have to live with the scars for a lifetime they have been tattoed upon your mind and in many cases your body.

The manipulation of the abuser is to bring on victim blaming, the victim believes what the abuser is saying is the truth and then begins to live those feelings which becomes a reality of our life. Whether we want to acknowledge it or not as victims at one point in our life we believed the lies of our abusers and we lived the lies and accepted them as real. Even after the abuse was physically over it takes a process of healing for us to discard those beliefs.

I stand today as a testament of victory, I speak today giving hope that it can be done, that what you think may be your reality is not! I am not promising you that healing will be an easy road OH NO! It will be the most difficult road that you will ever have to travel however it will be worth it.

A very dear friend of mine and I would use the phrase 'mending the fences' on our healing journey. Our life fence was broken down by the abuse which we suffered. On our healing journey we mended each part of the broken fence one block at a time, some of the blocks we had to throw away, some persons on their healing journey may have to break up the entire foundation for the fence and start all over.

I do not know how much of your fence needs mending but what I can assure you is that it will be mended once you have made a firm resolution to do so. So take up the hammer, nails, blocks, mortar, wood, and all materials needed to accomplish the work and get mending. The materials are those who support us and the mechanism's used during this most crucial time in our lives. The hammer and nails are the educational tools taught to us on the way which helps to rebuild the fence, the fence is our life and our emotions.

Start mending your fence today, in this corner of the globe you have a supporter to help you through this storm of your life. The following is a limited list of some things which helped me on my journey

Accept the fact that the abuse was never your fault.

Get a supportive support base.

Seek counselling and theraphy.

Forgive yourself.

Break your silence even if you are not believed.

Write a letters to your self.

Start a journal (write even if your grammar is not 100%).

You have a destiny to fulfill accept this.

Accknowledge the fact that because of your abuse you carry certain toxic emotions and display them.

Accknowledge the fact that you may have explosive behaviours or implosive behavious.

Accknowledge the fact that because of your abuse you made many poor life choices

Begin to live and love yourself.

Compliment yourself.

Find your spiritual space.