Im lighting a candle..

Posted April 20, 2010 from Kenya

Dear Friends,

I hope that you have all been well.I and the boys have been well too and guess what?Baby Warren just turned 3 the other day!!!Amazing how time flies and i guess that he might probably start school this coming team too and and he also have a role model his brother Marchell and guess what again?He teaches him all the bad things that there is to know in this world...Poor Warren he is so innocent he doesn't understand a thing that he does he just follows swiftly like a faithful servant....i keep on telling Marchell that Warren will become whatever he will teach him but that's his joy seeing me scream my head off while he takes a back seat and watch us get into war with Warren like he was never involved in the first place.

Today i have been thinking of a few friends of mine of whom i would like to dedicate this page to.This are friends whom have lost there lives to the forever scarery HIV illness and also to those that are living positively today wherever you all are and that includes me.

The reason that made me go public was my first cousin Tony...unfortunately at the time of his demise i had known of my status and i remember how family members would back bite as regards his status,i included.We all watched him die slowly and did nothing about it.We watched him fall into depression,become an addict of alcohol and later die of the said meningitis at a stage that i came to later learn was called the full blown AIDS stage...none of us thought that this was a package that we might also carry with us,it was an illness of the said "those people out there"Tony was a graduate from one of the most prestigious university within the country and we all looked up to him as a role model.He had a nice job and later got married to a wonderful woman they were blessed with us a son and on his forth birthday the baby took ill and on being rushed to the hospital he just died!No one understood what had happened and that is when his life totally took a different turn things started going down hill for him ...he separated with his wife and took to the bottle suddenly he is in and out of the hospital until his time of death.....(That is just a part of the story) but to Tony you were one of the best role models that i have ever had i totally looked up to you but HIV took you away...was it for lack of ignorance or were you scared to seek treatment i wish to ask...i wish that you would just shared with me what had been going on your mind all this time i wish i was there for you.

1) Ann 2)Carol 3)Shii 4)Stanley 5)Janet 6)Shiko 7)Muciri

I have lost all of you to this dreadful HIV i wish i could have made or have made a difference in your lives...i wish that some of you could have just come into terms with this condition....coming into terms does not necessarily mean going public or shouting about your status it simply means that you have accepted who you are,have dealt with your feelings and will work at making the best out of it...i have come to realize that HIV is not as dreadful as people make it you just have to learn to live with it....I have learn't and i hope that i will make a big difference to the people that i meet from now henceforth.....

I have accepted myself,i am great full of who i am and i have learn't to live with myself....HAVE A POSITIVE DAY and lets keep the candle and forever!

Comments 3

Log in or register to post comments
  • Jacqueline Patiño
    Apr 20, 2010
    Apr 20, 2010

    You touched my heart girl. Your open and sincere approach to HIV humbles me and makes me aware of this problem. Please know that my prayers and good will, with lots of healing energy and good vibes, will go to you from me all this day.

    I will dedicate my energy to send it all to you. I know it is not much, but I feel the need to start somewhere.



  • tabby
    Apr 20, 2010
    Apr 20, 2010

    Hi Jackie,thank you so much dear for your encouragement...believe you me it ain't easy especially in a third world world country where stigma and discrimination is the norm of the day but i am hoping that we win this fight at some point people have to stop dying in silence for fear of what others will think about them...and so what if i am HIV+?We have to learn to keep on moving and living our lives...

    Thank you girl i appreciate your support!


  • JaniceW
    Apr 20, 2010
    Apr 20, 2010

    Mpendwa Tabby, You have always been such a strong advocate for those with HIV and have educated many of us about life for those living with the disease. I hope that in time, the stigma attached to the label of HIV will fade as other labels do and that we will celebrate all as unique and special sisters and brothers, no matter what their background is. In solidarity, Janice