I WOMYN... An Autobiographical Poem

Posted September 30, 2010 from United States

I womyn child Conceived from a forbidden love A mistress, concubine, prostitute A womyn bearing another womyn into this world At what cost For money? Or as a gift to another womyn who could not have her own children Sisters taking care of sisters That’s how I remember my childhood, two womyn sharing a man A love, a family Building community so the other can eat and survive

I womyn child Found in a room, still in existence today On the floor in a corner, bundled and naked Starving and neglected Like when you go to pick a kitten in a litter Who’s , mother was forced to leave because some one else wanted you

I womyn child Fed with a cutip Because my little body did not know how to take care of itself I womyn child a survivor

I womyn child with strength bigger than myself No memories or pictures to look back on I womyn child, never born That’s what it feels like at least—a life created from nothing

I womyn child loved by many powerful womyn Including my mother, the goddess blessed you in so many ways You are a vessel that bares children for other womyn happiness Ten, fifteen I stop counting my brothers and sisters That I will never see

A story---I too will create from nothing because the truth is unknown To me , How I became, I womyn child

I womyn child in Washington Heights Playing underneath my covers, in the closet With my neighbor’s granddaughter, eating pussy, finger popping, tongue kissing While my mother was working, I was at the baby sitter playing with myself Sitting by the window playing with the man across the street, who showed me his big dick, rubbing and twirling, so I can could do the same I would take off my clothes and show my breast, take my underwear’s off and open my legs

How did I know how to do this? Why was it okay?

I womyn girl Was I raped? Sexually abused? That’s what I thought at least because my pussy itched Every time I got the opportunity to be around a man A human

I womyn girl in New Rochelle White dick in my face, pretending I was sleeping but enjoying it as my heart cried fear

I womyn girl on Dykman 190th st on the roof top Sucking dick I think, &/or kissing and rubbing, maybe jerking off too

I womyn girl in DR Neighbors, sucking my pussy, showing me how to eat ripe fruit Sitting on men’s lap, so they can feel and play between my legs Tears streaming down my eyes because I knew better What was happening was wrong Tongue kissing my uncle, if only for a minute and on breast I cried for my mother, my protector I knew I would be saved

I womyn girl Blamed for my mothers choices You will be just like her----a prostitute Amount to nothing and have twenty kids You are a waste of time Because your destiny has already been chosen, by me your father

I womyn teen Another womyn child giving birth to another womyn child Daughter and son A balance to a crazy life I womyn teen Living in her shoes But instead of giving birth to so many I vowed to never do the same & killed them instead I womyn teen Already judged without having an identity I womyn teen Trying to be free, form this crazy destiny Something deep inside of me is telling me That this story doesn’t belong to me I womyn teen Who am I? I don’t know who I am Am I mother, my grandmother perhaps? I don’t belong here

I womyn teen Pregnant @ fifteen

I womyn teen Where do broken hearts go

I womyn womyn Look just like her More and more everyday The freckles on my face that connect the dots to a story deep inside of me I womyn womyn Look just like her But I have to keep it to myself Because I am afraid that I will devastate my mom If I speak her name That if I resemble or remember her, I will be forced To find out the truth

I womyn womyn Look just like her And I have so many questions to ask What drove you to use your body to survive Why didn’t you keep me Where are my sisters and brothers What did you need? I have tried so hard to not be like you And I don’t even know you I have paid the price for your decision I have lived a story that does not belong to me

I womyn womyn Have two beautiful children A son and a daughter My children asks where my freckles come from and I say the sun Buts that’s not true They come from my mother I look just like you

I womyn womyn Letting go of the super womyn syndrome passed down by osmosis I womyn womyn Letting go of violence & unhealthy relationships passed down by blood I womyn womyn Reclaiming my birth and rebirthing myself A painful process on its own But harder with half a story

I womyn womyn Coming full circle in my daughters eyes The legacy of strong womyn I cannot continue to pass down Breaking the cycle of loosing our souls Breaking the cycle of being concubines, prostitutes, or mistresses Not only for others but of myself

I womyn womyn Battling her inner child every time it comes out Trying to find the answers in all the wrong places I womyn womyn Re-creating my mothers stories, both of them Today, I have created the same community of sisters supporting sisters \ That they created for eachother No judgment but just because I am a womyn too I love you

I womyn womyn Reflecting the stories of all the womyn in my life Supporting other womyn in their process of rebirthing Supporting other womyn in giving birth to other womyn, daughters, nieces, granddaughters, aunts I womyn womyn

I womyn womyn Watching the powerful womyn in my life die Say goodbye—ceasing to exist as they are Dying of Aids, tumors, cancers, & domestic violence Dis-eases, traits of unhappiness, suffering, violence running through my veins I womn womyn Healing, Healing, Healing I womyn womyn Watching the womyn in me die Say good by –ceasing to exist as I was

Comments 2

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  • Aimee Knight
    Oct 01, 2010
    Oct 01, 2010

    This is an amazing poem, in truth it became difficult to read because the descriptions are shocking. It was direct and honest and you did not shrink from that. Then you shared your inner struggles, your questions and contemplations. Then beautifully you began to find yourself, I am so proud of you!

  • ArtByMia
    Nov 11, 2010
    Nov 11, 2010

    This is a POWERFUL piece... full of energy, truth, dignity, anger and voice!!! Thank you for sharing this with us. You are a brave Warrior Woman ... keep in the light and continue in the path!!!!