Dreaming in the Dark!

Happy Winter Solstice,

I write Winter Solstice to be in sisterhood today with all the women globally. While some of us are celebrating Christmas today in another part of the world its just another day. So, if I say Merry Christmas I feel disconnected from the world especially since the actual holiday is not a part of my culture anyway. However, we can all celebrate the winter solstice even though it might be summer wherever you are at and from where ever you are I can say look up to the sky and see the moon, feel the darkness descending as the night hits, feel the transitions of climates and the environmental changes on your body, and light a candle to connect with your spirits, your ancestors and me. With the celebration of the Winter Solstice we can send eachother energy from where we are and hold eachothers hand as we Dream in the Dark.

This is what the Winter Solstice means to me living here in America, its the transition from Fall to Winter , when darkness hits the earth and we as women sleep. Not literally though, we are metaphorically suppose to be hibernating right now. Taking a moment to breathe, to go within and meet the crone. The Crone is the wise women within all of us, she helps us to dream. This is why I call this time \"Dreaming in the Dark\". Going back into the womb of mother earth, here she keeps us safe but it is also here in the darkness that we, that I, face my deepest fears. The darkness is not the just the abscence of light, it is also for some of us the most scariest place becuase we cannot see. When we loose our eyesight all we have is our ability to dream, to imagine....for me dreaming and imagining, means that I let me brain playback for me my life as if its a movie and the internal voices that keep me powerless have space to talk. It is during Winter that I come face to face with my fears.

It makes sense though since I was abandoned before I was even born. So the womb for me is a lonely place. And as the winter moves through the months and the light comes back, and I move down the birth canal its gets even harder becuase I dont want to be born in the Spring. I dont want to come into a motherless world. So, I fight, I fight all winter to stay safe in the womb even though its the most scariest place be.

I invite you to think about what fears you hold onto?, what situations that no longer serve you do you hold onto becuase they are safe?, yet, its to hard to let them go becaue if you do its too scary. You find yourself saying well at least I know this place well, and if I let them go I have to open up myself to something new. Yes, something else might be better for you, but the thought that its new, that you dont know it, or how its going to be keep the old realtionship, thought, situation, pattern or behavior in your life. Better the old that you know how to deal with then something new.

This year though, Dreaming in the Dark has yet another meaning. I recently went to Guatemala and while I have traveled outside the states and to other international countries before, nothing yet has impacted me more than this trip. I realized on this trip that living here in America has kept me safe, insultated to a media that controls what I see and hear. Since my return I have searched the TV for global news, I searched for my story , my sisters storys , your stories in the local media (the radio, newspapers, magazines, music and TV ), but i dont find them, I dont see them and I dont here them. I didnt add the web beause still not everyone in my community has access to it.

So yes, this year, I am dreaming in the dark, literally. I am in shock, amazed, horrified and afraid for myself and my children as to what my world is going to look like if I stay in this country. I think if i didnt have access to the web, and even if , if someone doesnt direct me to the right sources, I probably would not have known about places like world pulse. Its funny how America talks about socialism, communisim etc as if its doing any thing different. Access, Freedom, I mean really. I dont know about anything happening in the world expect the crimes, the war, the terrorism or natural disasters that happen and then we get bombarded with it so much that we are afraid to travel outside the states and we become decensitized to all of it anyway. Creating stories and opinions of places, of people and cultures with no relevance and with no valid information. We then visit these countries with so much ignorance and arrogance all at the same time. I say these countries becuase in my travels to Guate I was told I was from the North and I was like yes from the North Side of the Dominican Republic,Puerto Plata.Instead they where telling me that my identity since I am living in America is that I am now considered from North America. I couldnt believe it, here i am, an immigrant in North America , a women, lesbian, latina immigrant in North America fighting everyday to be seen and heard, fighting for my rights, against injustice, and all types of wars in this patriachal, xenaphobic country and here I am in my own land and I am being called North American, I wanted to die. But I couldnt agrue. I have been sitting with it ever since. And now sharing it with you.

I went to Guatemala and I had global news. People there knew what was happening all over the world, in Latin, South, Central and North America. I felt so disconnected. I couldnt live up to the American Stantards. Somehow people expected me to know , I mean dont I have access to everything? Then, I realized I dont and if I did I would not know how to access it becuase the poverty, the digital divided, the educational divide is so big. Instead of living up to those expectations I found my self defending all the people of color in the states, undoing myths that people had of us, defending immigrants , education, access etc. And the more I did that, the more I spoke, the realization of how oppressed , controled and manipulated we are here in the states and the role that the media as a governmental institution has on pertuating the divide and misinformation or lack thereof came to life.

I ran home, I ran home to save myself, to save my children and my community. I wanted to have my own show, to travel and document, to write, to be the eyes so we dont have to dream in the dark. During this holiday, during this winter solstice, during the Christmas I want to give all of you a cheering thankyou for telling your stories, for creating another media by and for the people, for writing, for posting, for sharing and making a commitment to be who you are no matter what so women dont ever have to dream in the dark......