By Myself for Myself to Myself

By Myself for Myself to Myself

It was a hot Monday afternoon at the Family International Taekwondo Club Doojang. As usual, we, the students had arrived earlier than our instructor, awaiting whom I and my three girl-friends sat at a corner and discussed our weekends while the boys lined up at the center to do advanced kicks like the 540°. The boys’ breath-taking 540° spins kept distracting me from my girl-talk. Personally, I call the center “the guy spot”; for it was male aerial machines I had always seen it harbor. Needless to say, I never practiced there with the boys. But second-guessing my ability and foregoing opportunities to cultivate it, were also dragging down the juniors who looked up to me. Rather than advocating exemplary discipline and hard work, my actions were screaming “Boys to the center, girls to corners!” – for the same Birr 80 (5 USD) monthly fee.

Without physical or external barriers, why was I sitting at a corner instead of joining the boys at the center? Not because they rejected my request, but because I declined their offer. Not because females in general are physically incapable of spinning 540°; but because I was individually psychologically impaired–because I was sabotaging myself. Mea culpa!
I decided I would sabotage myself no more.
On my way to the line, I could feel everyone’s eyes following me. As a self-saboteur, there was still that voice in my head telling me “DON’T!” when I joined the line. Then again, I would keep hearing it when applying for my future dream job unless I silenced it right then and there… I stepped forward, left the ground. The victory over my worst ubiquitous enemy – my self-sabotaging mind – kept me airborne for a solid two seconds. Next thing I knew, I was at a corner with two guys massaging my injured knee. And just when the humiliation of falling down at “the guy spot” while attempting a “guy-spot-kick” was about to hit me, a wave of applause took over the Doojang. Soon after, some of my friends and juniors got in line to attempt the 540°. Apparently, I had led to courageousness the very people I was dragging down with me. Twenty minutes later, I got up a different Tarikua, happy because I stood back up on my feet. But more importantly, because I stood up by myself for myself to myself.