I realised something today that I spend alot of time seeking validation from others but find it difiicult to validate myself. I was heading into work thinking of the things I wish i could change or the things I wish I had done/hadn't done. I started thinking about what I had done in my life, not what I wish I had done, but what made me the person I am today, what lessons did I learn, what was painful and joyful. By the time I had arrived at work, a clear message came to me. How can I not validate myself? How can I stand here and not feel validated in my life and my history? I found it to be the single most powerful thought I'd had for quite a while. I'm learning to love myself and to respect where I've been, I've spent alot of time beating myself for not conforming to so many things a 32 year old woman should conform to, I'm not married, I don't have children yet, I don't own a house, I don't drive BUT I am .....everything else.

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I never fill the married or unmarried blanks in forms. Or children or no children. And if the clerk or whoever insists, I write "None of your business!" :))

Society creates a few standard 'life' molds and expect everyone to fill them. How many marriages do you know -- where the couple is still happy together? I think I can safely say that of 99.9% marriages that I know of all over the world there is not 1 that I would have liked to be in. The courage is in people like you -- who suddenly see the light. The ultimate joy of living is reconciling with our own uniqueness and then protecting it, and savoring it fiercely!

Rita Banerji www.ritabanerji.com

Hello Toyin,

Thanks for your nice article, in my mother tongue there is a saying that leave them talk coz at nite they will go to sleep, people will always have something to say no matter what the situation whether we like it or not and thats the bitter truth that we have to painfully agree with. As long as you are satisfied with who you are, leave alone the masses coz u can never satisfy their expectation Am happy to know that you have realised this and have moved on. Being married and having should or driving big cars or owning a home is not all what is required of you in life. As long as you have peace of mind thats is it. How many people are living in Bangalores and are fighting every day. Its human nature not to see who we are but this should change.

Have a blessed day


Hey, Thank you for your encouraging article. I am really moved.Lets not care of people and let them say what they want to..I agree with the above comment.Its none of your business. we all are the way we are and we women are proud of this fact. isnt it? we all are unique in nature and have got our own style.. Thank you Toyin

Love and respect Pooza