Sick and tired of being sick to my stomach!

Scene 1 :Third grade in primary school in Kenya. A few students are handpicked t o participate in a public speaking competition. This is an annual competition that involves participation place in primary and secondary schools in Kenya and often starts from a district, provincial to national level. Three of us are selected to represent our school. We hold rehearsals and present our poems in class. A day before the rehearsal. A day before the competition I am chosen as speaker during the competition.

I am excited. The next morning I wake up and I am feeling absolutely sick. I have a headache, a stomach ache and a running stomach. I tell my parents I am unwell and can’t go to school and so I stay at a home and miss the competition. The day after the competition, there are no signs of illness. I am as healthy as ever and I go to school. My sickness was all a case of nerves.

Second scenario happened in high school. Our teacher asks the class what they want to be in life –some want to be pilots, doctors, lawyers, accountants. I don’t know what I want to be.

After high school, I am on my way to a part time job as a sales assistant in a bookshop the TV set is on and just before I leave, something makes me pause and look at the newscaster. I was staying with my grandmother at that time. When she sees me staring at the TV, she asks me what is wrong.

“Grandma, “I say, “look at the newscaster- She is so confident and comfortable behind the screen. Her voice commands attention. We believe everything she has to say because she says it likes she believe it.”

My grandma just gives me a blank stare as if asking where the conversation is leading.

\" I know what to do with my life – I want to be a journalist.” I say.

“Then do it.” My grandma replies.

I am enroll in one of Kenya’s leading journalism colleges. I am a good student on theory but when we go for internship as a course required.I am terrified and sick to my stomach again ! Besides the school essays, I have never written a story in my life. To overcome my fear I read lot of newspaper articles for inspiration and to learn how news is written. When my first article is published – I am over the moon. I keep reading more, writing more and more of my article are published. The fear is gone.

I now work in the communication department of an NGO. I still think of myself as a journalist, my friends think otherwise. My confidence is as low as the third grader who got the running stomach.

I started a blog, but I keep it secret. I am on internet seeking inspiration and I come across the Voices of the future. I get the same feeling I got when I knew I wanted to be a journalist. I sign up.

I am slowly gaining my confidence back. I am learning from others, getting inspired and polishing on my writing skills. I already eel like I am reading the news broadcast to the world. I never want t be “to sick” to speak up again. So far so good.