Becoming Ourselves Before Partnering with Others

"The traditional definition of marriage is flawed. Marriage is propagated as the conclusion, rather than an evolving plot, of a woman’s story. After all, what is the value of education when she will not be permitted to translate the education into a career, into tangible results that society could marvel at? In many cultures, it is a hard-and-fast rule for a woman to ask permission from (not consult with) male family members while making many of the major decisions of her life, for example pertaining to marriage and education, that will shape her fate.

The solutions to such societal barriers is for women to defy the odds, challenge the traditional definitions of marriage, achieve their dreams, set examples for others, and engage people globally in a discussion about the benefits of education. An even bolder step would be for women to resort to legal means. The marriage contract, instead of having provisions for dowry, must specify clearly that the woman’s rights to education must be protected. Breach of contract must be a punishable offence by law. Law enforcement must be stringent." -- from a journal entry by Monica 09 of Dhaka, bangladesh
http://worldpulse.com/node/69745

My reply:
Dear Monica,
This post is a masterpiece of problem solving ideas that I believe could work. I, too, am a proponent of the legal issues of marriage being taken seriously. It seems to me that conflict resolution, parenting, and anger management classes, for men and women, should be mandatory before a marriage license is issued. It also seems to me that a trust should be set up in which a percentage of the family income is invested for the care of the children, in the event of divorce, death, or disability.

It bothers me a great deal that clerics are performing the legal ceremonies for marriage in my country. The legal and religious issues of marriage and family are each too important to rush through them. The children are the ones who ultimately suffer in the crossfire.

I, too, married young and had children when I had no marketable skills. It is natural for resentment to set in when one partner is seen as unequal in protecting the family. I had no way, after the births of my children to concentrate on my education, as this would have cost considerable money and taken me away from my home duties.

It is so exciting to me that I can now educate myself on any topic I desire from the comfort of my own home, via the internet. I am so proud of my baby sister (also a mother of a grown daughter), who continues to earn graduate level degrees from online university programs, while she works full-time.

I am able to earn my own money, as you have pointed out, through online business ventures. I have been given the gift of time to study and help others through a loving supportive husband, my third. I must admit that I made it my business to become economically able and to develop a clear idea of what I wanted in a mate in my life before I met this man. He is my partner in every aspect of my life, even though he shares no blood with my grown daughter, son, or grandchildren.

You seem to be brave and a clear thinker. I wish you all the blessings life has to offer.

Yvette