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COLOMBIA: A Chance to Disarm Our Hearts

Martha
Posted October 11, 2016 from Colombia

Shocked by the rejection of Colombia’s historic peace deal, Martha Llano has adjusted her understanding of war—and renewed her hopes for peace.

“Those who aimed to sign this agreement were willing a white dove to fly over our country.

Have I dreamed it? Is it true? My head was spinning. I knew I had to get up, but I almost could not bring myself to leave my hammock. I did not want to move; it felt nearly impossible to move. My body ached; my spirit hurt.

On October 2, my country voted against a referendum to end a war that has waged for 52 years. The historic peace deal would not move forward based on the vote of my country’s citizens.

I faced the day ahead of me with confusion and feelings I can barely describe. I felt the unrest of knowing that I am to continue to live in a country at war—a country where inequity is a constant.

I knelt down beside my dogs and cried as I tried to process my anguish. They looked back at me, and I knew they understood my pain. In silence, I took them to the forest. Barefoot, I lay down by the side of the giant trees that have withstood everything—years of war, of cruelty. I looked up at the great foliage and I finally found the word I needed: Resilience.

I embraced the trees, and I embraced my “yes” vote, my vote for peace. I know that we arrived at war due to mistakes. A lot of mistakes. And during the war, we committed even more mistakes. While coming out of war, there is the risk of new mistakes being made.

To be honest, I did not expect this outcome. I could not have even imagined it. Those who were championing peace had for years made war their business. Those who aimed to sign this agreement were willing a white dove to fly over our country.

I took a deep breath and cried. I cried for a very long time. But I also felt thankful. Why? I felt I had answers. Before the vote, it was FARC against all of us; now, it is everyone against everyone. Fathers against their own children; children against their mothers; mothers against their friends; friends against friends; mothers against mothers; fathers against fathers…

I am thankful because I finally understand that this war is not just because of guerillas. It is because of all of us. Inside, we have so much pain and anguish and fear and heartbreak. This vote surfaced this, and now we know.

The white dove is injured. We are all injured, and we are suffering. But I believe that some day my country will see peace. One day, I will see parents embracing their children in the rainforest without fear. Children will go to school without the threat of landmines waiting for them on their way. Ex-guerillas will live within our communities without fear, and we will not fear them.

There are those in my country who can barely read or write, but who know how to carry a gun. I want them to carry a pencil and paint to color their lives with light and happiness. I want them to be able to write a new history, to find peace in their hearts. We are all human beings, and I have forgiven them.

With tears in my eyes, I am thankful. And I wish for peace. I long for all Colombians to see the beauty of a precious white dove flying above.

Comments 10

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Ahhdg
Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016

Hi Martha,

I'm so sorry to hear that. War is one thing that should be ended immedietary but will never be finished completely all over the world. I always have this kind of feeling that war is not finished, it juts been shifted from one place to another. There are so many factors cause a war. But I do believe, in the deep side of our heart, most people still desire peace. But this desire is hidden so deeply so that in many cases, many people even don't realize it. Therefore, it needs you and your effort to help others to discover it.

Hope the war in your country can finished as earlier and quicker as possible.

April

Martha
Oct 13, 2016
Oct 13, 2016

Thanks April

Indeed was is shifting...and that makes me sad to think of...as war has never been a good thing for no one...because no war is good not even for who wins....

gratitude

martha

Amriyota
Oct 15, 2016
Oct 15, 2016

 Dear Martha , it is not the people ,it is politics and economy, needs war, conflicts and discrimination. I can feel your pain and waiting for the day when peace will get a chance. 

   with love and regards  Amriyota .

Martha
Oct 16, 2016
Oct 16, 2016

Indeed Amriyota,

It is all that in hands of people...in their mind, in their needs.

It is in our specie as a way to dominate.

Gratitude

Martha

Sister Zeph
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016

Dear Martha  how beautifully you have described your feelings , I am crying this time by reading it, I see your pain which  u had been going through for years and now your happiness, I agree with you there is no other solution of our all problems other then education, a pen and colors, this is how we can make not only our own lives colorful but the lives of whole society, Be happy my dear God bless you 

Martha
Oct 18, 2016
Oct 18, 2016

Sister Zeph,

Yes with colors an pencils everything could be possible, anything!!!.

Gratitute

martha

Alexandra Fercak
Oct 19, 2016
Oct 19, 2016

Martha,

I am so sorry that your country is going through this. Yes, as you write, we can't give up and have to find forgiveness and compassion. 

Thank you for a beautiful essay and for sharing your thoughts with us.

Take care, 

Martha
Oct 20, 2016
Oct 20, 2016

Thanks Alexandra,

Yes we will find peace soon...although it seem to me as if human specie do not want to live in peace never. War moves like water... from one place to other.

Gratitude

Martha

Kat Haber
Jul 17, 2018
Jul 17, 2018

Wishing you health, happiness, harmony, Martha!

Martha
Aug 28, 2018
Aug 28, 2018

Thanks Kathy....