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INDIA: What Happened When I Tried to Dress to Avoid Catcalls

Kirthi
Posted June 1, 2016 from India

What will it take for women to be able to walk down the street freely in India?

“Men are still undressing me with their eyes, whizzing past while whistling in high pitched, shrill tones.

I am walking down the street, covered head-to-toe in modest clothing. I wonder if my conservative attire will protect me from the catcalls, the threats of violence, the harassment that is so common for women in my homeland of India.

The sun is hot, and I am warm in my full-sleeved shirt and tunic. My clothes are baggy; they are a size or two larger than my own. I am walking to public transportation when I realize that nothing is different. Men are still undressing me with their eyes, whizzing past while whistling in high pitched, shrill tones.

It's not just catcalls and disgusting looks, though: A hand lingers longer than necessary when returning change; one man brushes against me when there is enough space for a car to pass.

My clothing experiment has proven to me what I've known all along: Harassment is not linked to a woman's choice about what to wear, do, or say; harassment is a result of a deeply patriarchal culture that fosters degrading attitudes toward women.

Women in my country live in communities that are rife with a heady mix of sexism, patriarchy, and misogyny. The National Crime Records Bureau tells us that in 2014, there were over 848 women who were either harassed, raped, or killed every single day. And these are only the reported cases. Heaven knows how many more would be added to the list if all cases were brought to light.

The idea for my clothing experiment came to me when a friend from the United States visited my country. She told me she couldn’t go anywhere in India in shorts, sleeveless shirts, or knee-length skirts without being ogled at and even groped.

Her comment didn’t surprise me, but it did rekindle my anger about an issue that is near and dear to my heart: blaming and shaming the victim. And it got me thinking.

Is it a woman’s duty to “not get” violated, or raped, or harassed? Is it for a woman to do everything she can so that a man can “keep his urges in check”?

If we answer these question with a ‘yes’, it is like saying every criminal urge is a result of external forces. In reality, it’s more often a proclivity inherent in an individual. It is disheartening to note that many believe that it is a woman’s way of dressing that causes sexual violence. Nothing in a woman's choices or actions invites objectification.

My experiment only reiterated what I had heard from others around me: I am harassed while modestly dressed, just as I am harassed when I wear more revealing clothing. We must put the onus where it belongs: on those who perpetrate violence.

I strongly believe the root cause of any form of violence and discrimination between the genders stems from patriarchal attitudes. India is home to a deeply misogynist culture.

Some time after my clothing experiment, I decided to take my research a bit further. I made it a point to engage in conversations in public spaces and social gatherings with men, on intellectual, political, social, and spiritual debates. I made it a point to read and equip myself with information that would help me carry on conversations I initiated. I held my ground, and defended my points in a clear manner. Nine times out of ten, I noticed that men in my community spent time looking at my feet or my hands when I spoke. They would not look at my face as I shared my opinions. Seven out of ten times, I noticed that my conversation partner had completely spaced out. Three out of ten times, I had men tell me that I was too well read for a woman.

Some might argue it is the media that fosters an Indian society that devalues women. But this, again, is misplaced blame. Media represent women as society sees them.

In India, it is the good-natured, simple woman who keeps house that is the ideal. The woman who wears anything she wants and knows what she wants is the anomaly. The media picks up on that—so, is it fair to say that the media influences us to look at women as chattels?

Let's take a moment and look at this objectively. A burger brand sells its products using images of a woman with a deep-necked dress holding a burger. A singer weaves in horribly sexist and violence-promoting lyrics. A car brand advertises itself with an image of a bunch of women tied up in the boot of the vehicle. Who is to blame? Is it media—or is it a society that allows these images and notions to be perpetuated?

Until we realize that patriarchy causes harm, a culture of fear will continue. I choose the word “we” purposefullybecause it isn't only men who perpetuate patriarchy. It’s women, too. And all this happens because, as a community, we know no better.

Why is it that we still do not know better? We’re in a day and age when education has reached so many corners of the globe. And yet, there is a continued support circle for gender discrimination. This is especially because our education system seems to emphasize literacy, rather than sensitization and behavioral changes. Let’s expand our educational programming to allow for discussion of violence, patriarchy, and respect for all.

Let’s build up educational curriculums that center on gender neutrality and sensitivity. Let’s shift the way we think about gender as rigid roles we must conform to. Together, we can create a social climate of equality that will keep violence and misogyny at bay.

We have to rise above the absolutely ridiculous considerations of inferiority or superiority of the sexes. We’re all human. Respecting differences and celebrating those differences isn’t hard, but men and women need to be taught at an early age to value all members of society.

Only then will we have a culture in India that allows for women to walk down the street without the fear or threat of violence.

Comments 8

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angegriffin
Jun 02, 2016
Jun 02, 2016

Thank you for this insightful and well-written article.

I like your ideas for solutions - and completely agree that education need to include a discussion of gender, and acceptance and appreciation of the female perspective.

Lynmakas
Jun 03, 2016
Jun 03, 2016

Dear Kirthijay,

Thank you so much for this wonderful write up. Really, its not a woman's way of dressing that causes sexual violence. Its a thing of the mind. God has already created women to be attractive both in behaviour and in physical appearance. I agree with you that what we need to stop all these sexual violence is intensive sensitization on sex and behaviour or social behaviour.

Thanking you once again

Emmanuella Akinola
Jun 03, 2016
Jun 03, 2016

This is insightful. You have said it as it is.

Emily Miki
Jun 05, 2016
Jun 05, 2016

Great point when you said our curriculum should focus more on sensitisation and behavioural change. And I will like to add that since we learn also from other sources than schools we should propose solutions to all stakeholders and not relent our efforts even when it seems all so impossible.

Okuman16
Jun 06, 2016
Jun 06, 2016

I really like the idea that education should be given to stakeholders on the issue of gender balance, a woman is just like a man and need to treated like any other human being. And should stop behaving a way that will that will intimidate them. this should through education

Akinjise Daniel
Jun 09, 2016
Jun 09, 2016

Hmmm..... Your article is so on point. Thanks for sharing this with us

PeaceBStill_RebeccaM
Jun 10, 2016
Jun 10, 2016

Hi Kirthijay,

Thanks for this....I'm very impressed with your article and the manner in which you articulated the issue of how women are treated in your homeland of India. It's very impactful and makes me wish there was more I could do about issues like these in your homeland and other parts of the world beyond just reading about it and feeling offended for all women who endure such things. I agree with everything you wrote and hope you will continue to write and speak out about this type of issue until it reaches the hearts, minds and conscious of all those with the power and means to institute the necessary and needed changes to put an end to gender based inequality and violence. God bless you.

RebeccaM

Julie Collura
Jun 10, 2016
Jun 10, 2016

Kirthi,

Thank you for sharing this well-articulated piece. Sometimes it is hard to tell, but this world is changing. Educate, empower, evolve. Keep yelling.

In sisterhood,

Julie