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JAMAICA: After an Abusive Marriage, a Second Chance at Life

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Posted September 15, 2016 from Jamaica

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris left an abusive relationship behind. Now she shares her story to help others heal.

“Though I knew it was time to end my marriage, I could not help but think: How will it look?

I always believed that marriage should be ‘til death do us part. I never thought of it as a commitment to take lightly or break easily. It wasn’t until leaving my marriage became a life or death situation that I began to understand that some situations require us to leave.

I am speaking out today for others who might find this story familiar. I met my husband when I moved into the apartment next to his. We became friends and started dating soon after. I saw signs of aggression pretty early in our relationship. Still, since it was never aimed at me I figured there was no need to make a big deal of it. I guess I had forgotten that how a man treats others is a good indication of how he will treat me.

I was ecstatic when he asked me to marry him after five months of dating. It did not occur to me that I did not yet know his goals for marriage and the future and whether these were aligned with my own thoughts and goals. All I could think of was how I had longed to be married and have children. I wanted to hear wedding bells.

A month after the proposal he started using derogatory names, swore at me, shouted, slammed his fist into the door, and threw tantrums. Although it made me uneasy, I thought that this was normal behavior for people planning a wedding and a future together. It was only later that I realized that I was making excuses. These behaviors are not OK. They are clear signs of abuse.

I decided to leave him, but as soon as I made the decision, I learned I was pregnant. He was excited when I told him about the baby—so excited he promised that things would be different. They really were for a time. Our relationship took a 360-degree turn. It was the happiest I had been in a long while.

Like everything else good about us, the joy was short-lived. I found out he was cheating. I learned he had been taking money from my bank account to support the other woman and her child. I was furious. When I saw him, rather than confront him about what he’d done, I simply told him it was over. He got mad and attacked me. My neighbor heard my screams and came to my rescue. It was an ugly scene. I swore I would never again be with this man.

I thought there was no way I would ever go back to him—but then I lost the baby. I was so devastated that I convinced myself that I needed him to get over the pain. We not only got back together, we also moved in together.

Things went sour pretty quickly. A couple of months after moving in together I found out that he was still having an affair. I came close to a nervous breakdown when I learned she was not the only other woman. When I found out he brought someone into our home, I packed my bags, changed my number, and disappeared.

It was two years before we spoke again. He called to say he was about to start a new job, had plans to go back to school, had become a man of faith, and was now a different man. I was happy for him, mostly because I too had changed. I too was now a woman of faith.

We spent quite a bit of time together and before long I was convinced that he had changed. I felt I could trust him and a month later we were married. The honeymoon month was amazing, but two months into our marriage we started arguing. By month four I was walking on eggshells. Then everything fell apart.

Neither of us had steady jobs and the bills were piling up. We both felt overwhelmed. As the days crept on, it became more and more difficult to find joy in the Lord. It was so much easier to revert to our old selves. We argued constantly. I felt drained and too ashamed to tell anyone what was going on. I was trapped.

One day he lost his temper and threatened to kill me. He told me I was lucky he married me because nobody else wanted me. He told me that I was the worst kind of wife a man could have. He ranted for close to an hour, then walked out and vanished for days.

The first night he left I stared at the ceiling for hours. All the memories from two years before came flooding back. Memories of not wanting to fall asleep because I was afraid he would try to kill me, of feeling ashamed because of the lies he told people about me, of the name calling and fights. And though I knew it was time to end my marriage, I could not help but think: How will it look? What will people say? How do I explain being married for less than the time it took to plan my wedding?

When he finally came home we talked and agreed to go back to counseling. As we sat with the counselor and I listened to my husband, I came to the conclusion that we should never have been married. It became clear that he believed that submission meant subservience and in his mind his needs superseded mine. I knew this meant that things would never change. The next day I told my husband I wanted a divorce.

It has now been a year and a half since our separation. To get to where I am now involved making deliberate and strategic moves.

First, I had to make a clean break from my husband. I threw away everything that tied me to him, ended all communication with him, limited my conversations about him, and deleted any discussions we had since I had no need for them where the courts were concerned.

Second, I filled the void left by our separation by creating my own routines. I started volunteering and hung out with friends every Friday evening. Without this routine, too much free time would lead to me missing him.

All this redirected energy led me to grow in my faith. During prayer time one day I realized that I needed to forgive my husband, forgive myself, and just let go of the past. I decided to let go of every bit of negativity he spoke into my life. I refused to accept his negativity any longer. I determined that for days I would speak positively about myself and my future.

I'm so thankful. I have recovered from what could have been the death of me. Now I use my experience to help others. I conduct talks and seminars on partner abuse. I am on a radio show with a fantastic group of women. Our show gives women practical solutions for relationships and life in general. I have even written a book about my story, describing my ordeal and also outlining the strategies I used to heal. In addition, I have recently started Women Inspiring Prosperity, a faith-based organization that helps women with their total development via training, life coaching, scholarships, and events.

The fact is, I have been given a second chance—the chance to live again. I am committed to taking that gift to help other women in whatever way I can.

 

Comments 16

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Sherna Alexander Benjamin
Sep 15, 2016
Sep 15, 2016

Hello Tricia,

This was a great inspirational read, I look forward to reading more of your writing in the community. 

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Hi Sherna,

So wonderful to hear from you. Thank you for taking the time to ready my story. I am so happy you found it inspirational and that you reached out.

Thanks again,

Tricia-Anne 

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ

Blog Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/   

Tamarack Verrall
Sep 16, 2016
Sep 16, 2016

Hello Tricia-Anne,

Sharing your story in such detail about the many ways we tell ourselves that things will get better, or that we can't face what others might think, or that we have already invested much time and effort into a relationship and so should try to make it work all pave a beautiful road to freedom for women still trapped in violent marriages. It is so encouraging to know that you continue to speak and write about what you went through and how you escaped. It was also powerful to read how you took care of yourself in leaving and made sure that you adopted new ways to strengthen yourself in leaving, by making a clean break and by adding new valuable activities to your weekly routine.

Thanks too for the link to your new book. You could post its availability under Resources in the Gender-Based Violence Group. Congratulations!

In sisterhood,

Tam

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Hi Tam,

Wow your message was so encouraging. Thank you so much. Every time I come on the World Pulse website I feel blessed by the women here. I am truly moved by your sentiments. Thank you.

Blessings,

Tricia-Anne

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/ 

Ahhdg
Sep 17, 2016
Sep 17, 2016

Hi Tricia-Anne,

Thank you for sharing your story in such details. I believe others can learn lessons from your story. You are very brave to make that decision. I know in many countries where people always thinking bad for divorced woman. But it is your life, you should be the person decide its direction. Wish you enjoy your new job and new life.

Best,

April

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Hi April,

You are so right. Nothing is impossible. Thank you for taking the time to read through my story. I am very encouraged by your response. 

Blessings,

Tricia-Anne

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/ 

serendipity-23
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016

Tricia!

Congratulations for winning. It must have been so difficult, but you have won yourself and took over your fears. 

Stay strong and always think positively about yourself. :)

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Hi there,

Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. I'm so blessed by your words. Thank you so much!!!

Blessings,

Tricia-Anne

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ

Blog Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ 

Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/

echo demitrez
Sep 18, 2016
Sep 18, 2016

Hi there, 

After reading about the way you have lead your life till now not only I but every reader would say, the fighter in you would always win. 

Nothing useless is or low, 

each thing in its place be best, 

what appears but idle show, 

strengthens and supports the rest!

Love *Peace!

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Wow you really touched me with your words. I am always so encouraged by everyone here at World Pulse. Thank you Echo Demitrez for even taking the time to read. I really appreciate your support. All the best to you as well in your endeavours.

Blessings,

Tricia-Anne

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ

Blog Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ 

Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/

ARREY- ECHI
Sep 20, 2016
Sep 20, 2016

Congratulations for not only breaking out but for having the courage to share your story and inspire others. Many are jailed by fear and social censure to remain in abusive relationships which most often, send them to an early grave. Keep your head high and keep inspiring.

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Oh Yes Arrey. It's all about our minds and whether we choose to renew our thinking and push or stay in bondage. Bless you and thanks for reading.

Blessings,

Tricia-Anne

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ

Blog Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ 

Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/

JANEKALU
Sep 22, 2016
Sep 22, 2016

Hi Tracie- Anne, your story is so inspiring, it takes a lion heart to take such bold decision .Many women are gone today because of fear and shame. Sometimes we don't know who we are and what we can do until when we are faced with situations, that's when our potentials comes out.

I wish you well in your projects

Cheers

Jane Kalu.

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Sep 25, 2016
Sep 25, 2016

Hi Jane,

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You are so right. I don't even feel bad about what happened. I actually rejoice because it has led me to where I am today. It's all about walking in purpose. I wish you all the best and thank you for taking the time to read my story.

Blessings,

Book: http://amzn.to/2dee1tQ

Blog Community: https://womeninspiringprosperity.wordpress.com/ 

Blog page: https://www.facebook.com/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

FB group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/womeninspiringprosperity/ 

TV show coming soon: https://www.facebook.com/realwomenunplugged/

Natasha L
Oct 03, 2016
Oct 03, 2016

Dear Tricia-Anne:

You bring your story alive with words through your courage, integrity and dedication.

I am so impressed that after leaving your husband, you made a routine for yourself and committed to thinking positively about yourself and your future.  

And look at where that has led!  Many many congratulations for having the strength, passion, faith and hard work to now do talks and seminars on partner abuse, be part of a radio show, and to start Women Inspiring Prosperity. With these vibrant and important undertakings you are lifting yourself and many women up to lives of growth and acceptance.  Bravo.

Tricia-Anne Y. Morris
Oct 30, 2016
Oct 30, 2016

Dear Natasha

Please forgive me for the late response. I had been planning a major event and was so consumed.

It warms my heart to read your words.

Much love

Tricia-Anne