A personal story from a Lesbian
Jan 21, 2015
Story
This story was written by a lesbian (name witheld for protection) living in Zimbabwe during a digital storytelling workshop. I have not edited the story because i wanted you, the reader to hear what she has to say. Here is her story:
My fears started when I was getting to know myself. My family and people around me said I acted like a boy. Although I was afraid I did what came naturally to me. At school it was worse, I was afraid again because when the girls in my class were busy with the boys ,I had feelings for some of the girls in my school. My fear grew, I could not control it since all the ladies around me were getting boyfriends and even my sisters were getting into troubles at home because of boys. At that time I was not completely sure what was happening to me and why I was not interested in men, I was confused.
That made my fears grow stronger. I was afraid of what my family and friends would think or say if I told them what I was feeling. At that time I feared what the future would hold for me because I was told that I was a lady and that I have to get married to a man and have children and so on. Yet I knew that was not the life I wanted for myself. Although my friends, my true friends are aware of my sexuality, I am still afraid that my family will find out one day and reject me .The fear is always there as I listen to comments made about homosexuality at home and in public places.
I listen hoping that no one will notice how silent I am or see the raw fear in my eyes.
Not being able to open up to my family about who I am, what I am, and the kind of feelings I carry inside me pushed me to join a group. It was in this group where I was able to share my story with other people .My fears disappeared as I got more answers for the question of my identity. I met people who seemed to hold a mirror in front of me, showing me who I was and letting me know that it was ok to be Tendai (name changed) and to be who I am.
I felt their love and that made my fears melt away. I will not lie and say I am a fearless being today as I have already shared the one big fear I cannot get rid of, but I will be honest and say the more I open up the more I claim freedom for myself. I am who I am and thus all I need to be. That is all I’ll ever be. Since I am an artist I feel through my works of art I am able to express my feelings and I find this healing. I also think it also helps other people who are in a similar situation as me if they see my art works.